Back to Cali- Week One

I’ve been having the itch to write again these last few days, so I cleaned up the ol’ blog site and messed with the settings and here I am. I’ll be completely honest and say that this is really hard to bring myself to do, especially after all the writing I’ve been doing has been for my “self betterment.” If betterment is even a word. Pfft.

Looking at this last post, it’s kind of funny that the last time I wrote in this I was a completely different person than I am now. I was working retail at GameStop, I was battling with myself in many ways, and was bitter at the world.

I no longer worked at GS as of October of last year, after a long fallout with the store and what was going on in it. I won’t say it was worth it, because no one should have had to go through the things we did. Though, the relief I had at not working there any longer actually outweighed the panic I was feeling for being unemployed. Being without a source of income when you’re supporting yourself and living half a country away from your family is some scary shit. But somehow I lived through it, and found a job I truly enjoyed at a call center, working in the roadside assistance portion. It had the solution to all of the things I hated about the intimate retail setting. All I had to do was my job, and doing my job correctly meant I was one of the better agents on the floor. Win win situation if you ask me.

I’ve decided I’m going to write a book about the two years I spent in Texas. Titled: Fuck You Texas I Hate You So Damn Much. Boris says a better title would be: Trials and Tribulations in Texas. I think mine is a better title in general.

Being back in sunny SoCal has been surreal. I feel like I’m in a haze. I wake up, spend most of my day trying to stay awake, and then go to bed. Constantly tired, constantly upset, constantly feeling like I’m going through an ordeal I don’t really need to be going through. Every person I speak to says that this was a good move for me, that life will be better for me once I get settled in and situated. Why does everyone on the planet think this was a good idea, and I still feel like I do? I miss my friends and dog, I miss my house and room and scooter. I miss everything that has made me ME in the last two years. And now, having to redo it all, start all over again, reboot, move on with a clean slate…

I just want my life back.

Then again it’s only been a single week since I got here. I see it as my “settling in” week, where I spent most of it just trying to get a feel for being back again. Week two will have a different theme. Not sure what it will be yet, but so far it’s my “Let’s try not to sink deeper into depression because you miss your best friends and job and stuff” week. I think that’s an admirable goal, don’t you?